On Becoming a Husband & Father

I am far away from being a perfect son, husband, or father. Amazingly now I am all three of them. I am the sum of many things, my beliefs, worldview, my failures, and success. I am on a constant journey toward becoming someone that I have yet to know.

My new family, my wife and my daughter, are my everything. I want to be solid ground and a source of enjoyment for them. Certainly, I have the opportunity of being a douche, a bad father, and an unbearable husband, but ruining someone else's life should not be among anyone's top desires in life.

I must be careful and intentional about not being that kind of person. Otherwise, I very well may end up with a daughter and a wife who want nothing to do with the person I could become.

Here are some thoughts, not necessarily in order, about the journey so far.

While Alone

Singleness is a precious time in life, but just because you are not in a relationship, this does not make you isolated from your impact on others. Make the most of it whether you find your second half or not. But if you do, hold on to them and let it be until death do us part.

Many that look for a spouse never find one, and many that have one never value them. There is no better or worse, but it is good for a man not to die alone. Let us learn to love well, even among friends.

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main. (John Donne)

A Husband

On becoming a husband, I have seen that life and dreams are better when shared. Living just for oneself is simple and tasteless. Respect goes a long way in a relationship, and being too critical does no one any good.

There is no perfect time. You will never be a hundred percent ready. There is always some next goal, some next success to strive for, and some next career break. There is always more money to be made, more life to enjoy, and personal time that we need for ourselves. Don't waste your time waiting for that next thing.

My mother was right about my messy room and my father about my apathy towards making someone else feel special. Yes, I care about others, but most of the time, I care about myself more than others.

Time is the most valuable resource we have, and it is limited mostly by ourselves. We are entitled to make excuses at the beginning of life when we have no control, but time itself lets us know that we have grown up.

A Father

I have seen my instincts of provider and protector surface, and that where there is bread for two, three can eat just fine. There is great responsibility in bringing a life into this world. Nevertheless, it is always a moment of great joy, and kids truly have the opportunity to make this a better world.

No kid is to be taken for granted. I have already seen death more times than I wish I had. Seeing the tears of a mother or father for a too young child leaving this world is a wake-up call to love more. Hopelessness can just take a grip of you if you have no desire to meet your creator or believe there is none to respond to. Hope is not foolish or childish if the reason for such hope is to be proved.

As a man, I want my daughter to be respected and have her opportunities not be defined by what she wears, by her looks in the eyes of others. I want her to know she is respected and that respect is earned. I desire that she will be raised in a world where evil men will never try to take advantage of her, and I know such a world is just a fairy tale. I have a part to play in making the real world a better place for her.

There is no guilt in a race, family history, or your sex. If there is guilt, there is a moral compass, and that moral compass always speaks about personal responsibilities. Even when in a group or a mob, you can always break out of it and decide to leave. Therefore, I want my daughter to know that she is responsible for her decisions, and at some point, she will need to break out of any heritage and bad deeds of my own.

My job as a father is to guide her and help her to understand the world, not to interpret it for her but to reason with her while she discovers and understands that truth is objective and not relative, that a woman is a woman and a man is a man, both with equal value but never the same.

My Family

Working is a luxury and a necessity. I need to work to provide for my own, and at any time, I can be deprived of that ability by nature or an unforeseen force. How I prepare if such were to happen is part of my duty as a family man.

I am to be a servant leader to my wife and my daughter, putting them before me and giving to them all of me. Just as Christ gave all for me, and without Him, I can't accomplish any of this.

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Until the next one,

Javier